


Brother, Seen Hell like a Movie Reel

by Cas_203



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort without the Comfort, Sam is sorry, and so am i, mentioned/implied suicide, sorry Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-16 23:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12352692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_203/pseuds/Cas_203
Summary: Sam was sorry, and he was tired. He was so. Frickin'. Tired.





	Brother, Seen Hell like a Movie Reel

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, take care, as always. Read the tags and if I missed any lemme know, you need to stay safe, Kay?
> 
> This started off as a simple po thing then turned into a letter and... Yeah.

The boy stands staring at his reflection like intensity could burn it down  
Like fear could erase the marks of age imprinted onto his soul   
He stands with poison for blood and guilt for a heart  
Like he's more than what he's been told he is

The boy bends his head as if that could erase the truth   
Like the fact that he's tainted can go away if he doesn't look  
He bends so quickly he's surprised he doesn't snap  
Like that one time his friend made his hell do

  
The boy grabs the razor with an edge to him  
Like he's put on that mask he thought he'd lost   
He grabs the razor like it's his damn job  
Like his father was there staring down at him

The boy brushes the letter as if to reassure himself  
Like he might float away if it isn't there   
He brushes the letter as if it was old and sacred  
Like it could break into pieces just like him

The boy brings his hand down with an accepting shiver  
Like he was tired and lost and couldn't do it   
He brings his hand down to watch it paint his death  
Like he was an art piece waiting to be seen

The boy falls to the ground without a single noise  
Like rain rushing to the winter ground  
He falls to the ground with eyes already half closed  
Like he knew that the world deserved a better man

 _Brother. Dean,_  
  
_Um. Remember when you came to get me from Stanford, and I was so adamant about that interview I needed to get back in time for? I acted like it was so important- and yeah, I thought it was- and, like, I thought it was what I deserved, y'know? I thought that I deserved something after growing up like us that would get acknowledged._

_That interview wasn't important, Dean, and I still think about how if- if maybe I had come with you straight alway, maybe if I didn't watch Jess die, then maybe all the death and all the gore and all the shit you've gone through wouldn't have happened. Maybe if I hadn't gone to Stanford, if I hadn't left you and dad, then maybe he wouldn't have died and we'd have found Azazel before he'd found me._

_So, I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry for not coming. I'm sorry for being stubborn. I'm sorry for being. I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through, because you don't deserve it._

_Dean, I told you before and I'll say it again- I'm not clean. I'm not clean and I feel like no matter how hard I try, I taint every single thing that I touch. That's not fair to anyone. It can never be fair to anyone._

_Please, just forget about me. I deserve what I got, and I'm okay with that. Go and live your life, hunt if that makes you feel better, open a hunters base thing in the bunker- just don't let go, please, not like I did._

_Just stay alive, and don't mourn for me or who I was. You need to stay alive._

_I was never as strong as you, and it was stupid of me to try and be. Please, just remember something-_

_I'm proud of us, too._  
 _Sammy._  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. Please lemme know your thoughts, though- even if you just a wanna scream at me for being cruel.


End file.
